Parody of “Honesty” by Billy Joel

My head is clogged with mucus
I’m breaking out in hives
Stab me with a Benadryl syringe

There’s so much swelling and redness
All around my itchy eyes
And waterfalls of postnasal drainage

Allergies! Can someone find a cure?
My nostrils are leaking goo

Allergies! How much can I endure?
And now I’m all out of tissues

But my nose still runs and runs
Nothing around to wipe
So I rubbed my snot onto my sleeve

There’s pollen all over the place
I couldn’t sleep last night
All I want is some kind of relief

Allergies… the mornings are the worst
How I wish I was immune!

Allergies! I’m calling out of work
My eyes look like a drunk racoon

Sinuses are stuffed-up
I should’ve stayed in bed
Holding back another sneeze
Aaaachoo, Achoo again

Sneezed so hard a drop of pee
Released into my pants

Oh no… Oh no…

I can’t eat, my tongue’s swelling
Vision’s kind of blurred
How do I hook up this Neti Pot?

I’m hopped up on Claritin
Guess that’s why my speech is slurred
Here comes another sneeze… a…a…a…aaaaaaaaaaa

Allergies! I think I need a nurse
My throat feels like I swallowed glue

Allergies! I think they’re getting worse
But maybe I’m getting the flu