(Parody of “Desperado” by The Eagles)

Mint Milanos, I give you all my affections
You’re my favorite confections
to scarf right down

Oh, you’re the soft ones
With all that chocolate in your creases
Mint between your pieces,
I’ve gained forty-five pounds

Don’t you dare bring me those Chip’s Ahoys
Nabisco’s on the label
You know that Pepperidge Farm will always do it best

So I’ll savor those divine things
With “mint chocolate” on the label
Yeah, you know ones that have me obsessed

Mint Milanos, always you satisfy my hungers
With milk, you’re slam dunkers
Into my face hole

I eat ‘em, I need ‘em,
There’s like twelve in my pocket
And nine in each sock, there’s crumbs between every toe

Mix them in oatmeal when it’s breakfast time
Then lick the bowl if I am inclined
My belt is getting tight but that’s okay

And soon I won’t fit in my clothes
But my tummy’s happy and it shows
I ate…

Mint Milanos, you’re definitely the best treat
To binge when I stress eat
There’s no debate

You’re so amazin’, I’m so amazed how I love you
You always let my mouth surround you (let my mouth surround you)

I never could eat only a few
So I’ll need two plates