(Parody of “How You Remind Me” by Nickelback)

Never could stick to a diet
I couldn’t cut it as a hipster vegan
Bought some chicken and I fried it
Woofed it down without a guilty feeling

And this is how much I love meat
This is how much I could eat, about 12 legs of lamb
This is how much I could eat, an entire glazed ham

Enough seafood for an army
I’d eat buckets full of calamari
Then shove ten crab cakes in
And wrap it all with strips of bacon

And I love brats
Nice and hot
I sandwich them in between my waffles
I see you’ve got some left
Hey, are you gonna eat that?

That snack wrap, yum yum
That big mac, yum yum

Don’t act like you didn’t grill that
I smell those burgers, better give me a few
I might have a heart attack
If you don’t top it off with veal cordon bleu

And some slices of salami and a side of baked clams
And maybe for dessert I’ll have a Denny’s Grand Slam

And some soul food from Chick-Fil-A
Meat lover’s pizza is my favorite entree
Some pot roast is bakin’
This mouth is where I put the steak in

Ate the whole cow
Then choked down
A mound of meatballs so big it toppled

One pork chop in each hand
Seems I still have some room left

Left, Left, Left overs
Gas, Gas, Gas, oh no
Not full yet, need more
Have seconds, yum yum

Never trust a dietitian
That tries to keep you from the joy of eating
Baby back ribs at Applebees
Baconators from Wendy’s
Whoppers with cheese at BK and McRibs are my jam
Cheese pretzel dog inside me from that place, Auntie Anne’s

Arby’s roast beef is savory
I dip it in my chicken cacciatore
Thanksgiving ain’t nothin’,  without a 60 pound Turducken

And I pigged out when I downed
A donut burger infused with sausage

All this meat in my gut
But it was such a good cut
Pork, Butt

Holy cow, am I stuffed (stuffed, stuffed)
You might call me a glutton, glutton
My shirt popped a button,
oh, no

I’m done